And the City Sleeps
by rlturner79
Summary: Danny wonders over what to do, ponders his confusion over his & Martin's changing relationship... DM slash, OFC
1. Chapter 1

**1**

New York was a cheap, but talented actress. She was dirty and cruel, would sooner step on your face as look at you. But she glittered in the evening, alluring and seductive…forever drawing people closer and closer until they were hopelessly trapped in her web.

Shivering, Danny shut his eyes and breathed in the chilly autumn air. He hugged his arms around his chest, trying to get warm, knowing it was hopeless. Heat was at his back, just inside, but he couldn't turn away from the dark, glistening city. Couldn't turn away from the tempting landscape, couldn't turn away for fear of what he'd find behind him. Of what he knew he'd see. And those were the thoughts he was trying so desperately to escape.

His feet were bare – freezing actually – and pressed down into the metal grating of the fire escape. He wore only a t-shirt – Martin's, he thought – and loose fitting pajama pants. Hardly conducive to staying warm on an autumn night in New York. A brief, faint smile lit his lips as he thought of Florida, of home…couldn't really believe he still thought of it as home, but it seemed to be automatic. Autumn in Florida would be so much warmer. A very slight change in the air, in the way it blew off the ocean. Still very late into hurricane season and the chance for one last storm was always lingering on the horizon. But the salty air would be a relief now, when instead all he could smell was coldness and a blend of restaurants and faint gasoline fumes from the streets below.

Funny how New York had always been a comfort until now. Until his life had become confusing and unsteady and spiraling so quickly out of his well-earned control. Now she was cold and unyielding. A spiteful city who'd turned her back and abandoned him when he so desperately needed a sense of normalcy to latch onto.

Despite himself he turned halfway around, still leaning against the side of the window and looked inside. His body was drawn as much by the heat of the room as it was by the man asleep in his bed.

Martin.

He had to wonder as he pressed one cold foot against the inside of his leg and squeezed his body more tightly with his arms if Martin and New York were not conspiring together to flip his world upside down. _She_ – that vengeful, heartless city – had turned a cold shoulder to his need for comfort. He, on the other hand, had drawn him closer…all warmth and whispers and _feelings_. Feelings he had never thought to have, had never even wanted until their eyes had met.

And how was it possible? How had this man left him feeling so powerless and disjointed? He'd never even been attracted to men. At least he hadn't thought he was…current situation being what it was had left him open to all sorts of doubt about himself. And male friends had always been few and far between. Not since he was a young teenager had he had one, and then just for a summer before he'd moved away. _Eric_, Danny remembered his name, a sad smile flitting across his face. And after that, plenty of people to hang out with…no, he'd never been alone. But no one closer than he'd let them be. Not even, or maybe _especially_ not, when he'd been in college. Always plenty of people to drink with, to party with, even _study_ with…but real friends were a rarity. And now? There was Jack…not really what Danny would call a friend, but someone he respected; and it took a lot to earn Danny's respect. Scott, his sponsor, again not really someone he considered a friend, but more of someone who was always there for him and ready to listen.

And Martin.

He sighed, turning back to the cold, nighttime air and the glittering city. Amazing how it could change in appearance so quickly. Once a sparkling, promising jewel…now looking almost cheap and tawdry; costume jewelry sewn haphazardly into place.

Martin was a complete mystery. And Danny had been drawn from the first moment. Never mind the way he'd scoffed at him, blatantly assuming that he'd gotten the job solely on his father's name. Untrustworthy and useless had been Danny's first assumptions and yet Martin had shown his intelligence and eagerness to prove himself all too quickly. Showing Danny up on the first case they worked together…something that maddeningly enough brought a smile to his face even now. He'd wanted to laugh, triumphantly, when Martin had ended that first case with a blow to the head and a trip to the hospital but he hadn't been able to and nothing had been the same ever since.

After a few weeks, Danny had found himself _flirting_. Horrified when he'd recognized it for what it was, he'd shrugged it off, laughed at himself a little bit and promised himself that it would never happen again. And yet the temptation had been far too difficult to resist. So he'd let it slide, enjoying the way he could lean close and flirt, annoy and tease until he'd won his prize: a crinkling of the eyes, a dimpled smile and a pink blush.

And everyone had to know. If Danny had been able to see it for what it was, then the rest of them had to also. He'd noticed the smiles and soft shakes of the head from Vivian, the occasional raised eyebrow and discreet grin from Sam…even a knowing sort of _look_ from Jack, but none of them ever said anything. Maybe he was just being paranoid. Luckily, he was confident enough in himself to believe that he could pull it off, that he could just keep on doing what he was and they'd all just see him as being _Danny_.

But then Martin had begun to respond, to flirt back and lean closer in a way that was almost maddening. Panicked, Danny had tried to backpedal but still couldn't resist their easy banter and the knowing glances that were beginning to speak, more often than not, of _heat_ and something more than just playful flirting.

And somewhere along the way Danny had lost the upper hand. So when Martin invited him out for something to eat after work he'd said yes almost eagerly. It was casual – or that's what he told himself. Just two colleagues, a friendly meal after work…for many nights later he'd wonder why he hadn't thought it odd that his heart had been beating so quickly from the moment he'd said yes.

Elegant, cool, self-suffused – a mask that was entirely too difficult to keep in place with Martin. With everyone else yes, but not with Martin. And once he'd started chipping away at the disguise it had peeled back much more easily than Danny would have liked. He was baffled by his lack of defenses with this man.

It had been easy – so easy – to say yes when Martin had softly asked him home. Never mind the small voice in his head – the one that spoke only in Spanish and sounded suspiciously like his younger self – that begged him to say goodnight and go home. Begged him to stop before he'd do something he'd regret. The same voice that began to resort to name-calling and then a pleading desperation as he'd followed Martin up two flights of stairs to his apartment. Funny how the voice just _vanished_ the instant Martin's lips touched his. Nothing else had mattered and the only thing he heard after that was Martin's murmured words of want and his own frantic consent.

So, so easily he'd let himself be seduced. Not even a moment of resistance, a token word about why this was such a bad idea. And the strangeness he'd expected because of what he was doing with another man was completely non-existent. No, none of it had mattered. There was only Martin and his hands in Danny's hair, on his back, fingers fumbling with the buttons of his shirt. Martin's mouth on his, making him _weak_. No one had ever kissed him that way before…like he was drowning and he needed Danny to breathe. All soft – _so soft_ – lips and blistering heat, pressing Danny's mouth open to taste, tongue searching, finding, _possessing_.

And simple, wasn't it, to say yes as Martin had shed them both of their clothing, pulling Danny to his bedroom, kissing away the nervousness that had finally had the decency to show up. He'd moaned, gripping tightly to the sheets as Martin had touched him, lips on his neck now, nipping, soothing, leaving marks Danny knew would be blatant in the morning. But morning was the last thing on his mind. He'd told Danny – heated whispered words – how much he wanted him, how long he'd thought about this moment, and Danny had been blinded by that want, only then realizing that everything he'd been feeling, probably since day one, was the same. This desire, lust…_need_ for Martin.

Impossible to say no then. It was as if he couldn't quite catch his breath because the blinding need to have Martin closer was so palpable. He'd kissed him deeply again and again, whispering things he'd never thought he'd say against swollen lips and heated skin. Frantically ran his hands over Martin's back and sides and arms, anywhere he could touch, arching up into him shamelessly, wanting all the while to be _closer._ Martin had complied, needless worry in a moment's hesitation but he'd been just as desperate. And he'd been oh so careful with Danny, soothing through the brief pain, patient, gasps of pleasure and a look in his eyes that had been more comforting than any words he could have spoken.

Danny shivered, stopping his train of thought and squeezing his eyes shut. When he opened them again the city was still before him, dark and uncaring. He didn't remember how much time had passed, how many weeks since that first night he'd spent with Martin. The most surprising thing of all had been the lack of awkwardness the next morning. How his waking up with Martin, waking up to Martin's sleepy kisses and clumsy touches was so…_normal_. And it hadn't stopped there. They were together on any free night they had when they weren't still working till all hours on a case. At Danny's apartment, at Martin's…it didn't matter. Even stranger the way things hadn't changed at the office. They still fought, bickered and bantered with one another the same as always. When they went home together, though, they left work behind and fell into a different sort of relationship. Easy, thrilling and so, so good.

That was exactly what Danny was having trouble reconciling. He'd ignored it for a while, but it was becoming almost impossible…an anchoring sort of weight that was screaming for his attention.

The city blinked and he jumped slightly at the feel of arms wrapping around his body, a sheet suddenly draped over him, Martin's chest pressed warmly against his back. He shut his eyes, sighing softly as Martin ran a hand through his hair and then went back to holding him tightly, fingers pressed against his stomach. Soft lips on his neck were expected and he shivered again, trying not to let his darker thoughts slip away – as they were apt to do under Martin's touch.

"What's wrong?" Martin asked softly, gentle tone, worried. His warm breath against Danny's neck was intoxicating.

Danny didn't reply though, just held as still as he could, focusing on the city before him instead. It was so _hard_ to resist and for a moment he wondered why he was even trying. All he needed to do was lean back, turn his head into Martin's neck and close his eyes. Martin would pull him from the window ledge and back into bed, soft kisses and warm arms. An easy comfort that he could barely refuse. He bit down on his lower lip as it trembled and blinked, not _at all_ willing to let this uncertainty get to him so easily. _He would not cry._

"Come on Danny, talk to me," Martin said, his worry growing. Danny could feel him frowning, could feel the tensing of his body, the way his arms held him more tightly, not so languid and relaxed.

A few more minutes and still Danny couldn't seem to answer. He wanted to because he knew Martin would chase away his fears and make things simple again. But a very big part of him just wasn't able; he needed to work this out on his own…one way or another. "I can't right now," he finally replied, voice low and guarded. "I'm okay Martin really, I just…I can't talk about it right now."

Martin didn't answer but he didn't object either. He stayed where he was for a while longer, holding Danny tightly, his warm body a comfort that Danny wasn't sure he deserved, his lips soft as they kissed his neck a few more times. Eventually he stood up, letting Danny go and taking all of his warmth with him as he rose. Danny had to fight the instinct that hit him so hard – to turn around and pull Martin back.

But he didn't turn, straining to listen as Martin walked slowly back across the room, stopping halfway, the sheet rustling as he threw it back onto the bed. "Danny?" His voice was hesitant now and Danny cringed, hoping that he hadn't hurt the other man with his distance, knowing that he had. Danny didn't say anything, only waited for Martin to finish – a silence that stretched longer than he'd expected. "Danny you know this isn't just about sex right?" he asked, voice tight with nerves, the words almost spilling out of him.

And Danny couldn't help his sharp intake of breath, felt Martin's words hit him squarely in the chest and nearly knock him over. It took everything he had not to turn around, to get up and cross the room and pull Martin tightly against him. He found himself wanting to chase the hesitation out of his voice, to give him the same comfort that he'd tried to offer Danny only moments ago. Instead he only nodded, fingernails pressing crescent shaped marks into his palms. It was impossible to miss Martin's sad acceptance of his answer, even though Danny couldn't see him. He _felt_ his soft sigh and the way he slowly crawled back into bed, the floorboards creaking softly as he stepped off of them.

How Martin had guessed his thoughts, had cut right to the core of all his worries and confusion was beyond him. The man had a way of seeing right through him, which baffled Danny to no end, especially since he'd spent a good portion of his life creating masks to wear and building walls around himself. Somehow Martin hadn't seen any of it and had found a secret passageway inside.

Danny was _terrified_ by his feelings, by everything that had rushed through him since the first time they'd kissed and hadn't stopped since. If anything those feelings had matured, grown stronger and into so much more. And that was the reason why that at three a.m. he was sitting on the window ledge, his feet on the fire escape, brooding and cold.

He was in love with Martin Fitzgerald.

The realization hadn't stopped him from climbing back into bed with Martin, eventually giving up the city and the cold air. He'd trembled as he lifted the blankets and slid beneath them, instinctively and quickly reaching for the other man. And Martin, half asleep, pulled him closer as they touched, settling his head against Danny's shoulder, his arm slung carelessly across Danny's waist. He'd expected no sleep the rest of the night, but the opposite had been true, the lulling comfort of Martin's embrace too much for his exhausted mind to resist.

He pulled Martin closer as he felt the other man carefully trying to slip out of bed. "Stay," he mumbled, eyes still closed, voice rough with sleep.

He felt Martin kiss his cheek, a soft smile on his lips. "It's eight o'clock," Martin replied, simple, as if that explained everything.

Danny reluctantly opened his eyes, squinting and frowning a bit. Exasperated, he pulled the blankets over both of their heads and shut his eyes again. "It's Saturday," he replied, mimicking Martin's tone.

Martin pulled the blankets back down, fingers soft as they brushed Danny's arm. "Work could call," he said, protesting.

Danny rolled his eyes – even though they were still shut – and smiled. Not seeing, but knowing Martin's body well enough, he put his palm against the other man's cheek and leaned in for a kiss. "Work could _not_ call," was his eventual reply, a smirk decorating his lips.

"Danny…"

"Martin," he complained, finally opening his eyes and letting out a breath of frustration, though he couldn't help the smile that tried tugging at the corners of his mouth. Martin was looking at him expectantly, like he was waiting for Danny to stop kidding around and be _sensible_ and get out of bed because it was almost ten after eight in the morning. Sighing, he threaded his fingers through Martin's hair and kissed him softly again, hoping to distract. "Fitzie, this is what people do on Saturdays. They sleep in. They stay in bed all day," he went on quickly, sensing Martin's desire to interrupt. "They're _lazy,_" he stressed, smirking.

Eyes took on a predatory gaze when Martin blushed, eyes flashing with interest – right after the part about staying in bed all day. In one fluid motion, he slipped his leg between Martin's, wrapped both arms around him and pulled him flush against him. When he kissed him this time it lacked any sort of morning sleepiness…it was all heat and desire. "I want to stay in bed all day with you," he murmured against his lips, smiling when Martin could only nod.

Danny pressed his forehead to Martin's and sighed softly. He ran his fingers through Martin's hair and across the back of his neck, loving how soft the skin was. "Sleep for a little bit more Fitz," he said softly, yawning a bit. And he had one last glance, blue eyes shy but content, before he shut his own and fell into lazy, early morning slumber.

The next time he woke up it was to the _feel_ of Martin's gaze. A quick glance over his shoulder at the clock let him know that he'd been asleep for around two hours. Narrowing his eyes he looked at Martin again. "Have you been awake all this time?" he asked suspiciously.

But Martin shook his head, smiling softly. "No, I just woke up about fifteen minutes ago," he replied, pausing for a bit before going on, his voice questioning. "So um, what do we do now?"

Danny laughed, leaning forward to press a quick kiss to Martin's lips, his eyes bright. "I know it's daunting, but there's no specific plan."

Martin's eyes widened for a second but then he smiled, calmly accepting what he'd been told, though Danny could see him trying to work it all out in his head. And he felt his heart ache wonderfully in his chest. Martin's inability to idle, to do nothing and his confusion over it all…just something else that endeared him to Danny.

It was all morning clumsiness, slow and languid as they came together, Danny losing himself in Martin. Their bodies warm, hands and lips learning one another as if they'd never touched before. Whispered moans and broken words as they kissed, Danny moving slowly, yet urgently, inside of Martin. Fear, distant on the horizon when he couldn't figure out where he ended and Martin began. And yet it was over too soon, leaving Danny wanting more – something he was beginning to realize never stopped where Martin was concerned. He always wanted more.

They showered together, another act Danny found exhilarating as well as frightfully intimate. Wet kisses under the water, washing each other's hair, hands running over wet, slick skin…arousing in a way that only made them kiss each other more deeply.

Danny forced Martin to get back into bed after their shower, laughing over his bewildered protests. He found himself humming as he made them breakfast – late breakfast to be sure – and it was unnerving, especially after the night before, but he didn't try to fight it. He nearly giggled when he found Martin sitting up in bed, arms folded over his chest looking like a petulant child.

"Are you pouting?" Danny teased, handing him a mug of coffee and a plate with toast and some scrambled eggs on it – all he'd been able to scrounge up.

Martin scowled at him as he took a sip of his coffee, watching Danny closely as he got into bed next to him with his own breakfast. "No," he muttered. Seconds later a smile and soft words, "Thank you for breakfast." And Danny beamed.

It was late afternoon, after they'd had sex again and were breathless and spent when Martin had touched his face and turned him to face his eyes, finally bringing up what they'd both been avoiding. "Are you okay?" he asked, worry and hope blended helplessly in his blue eyes.

Danny swallowed hard, wanting to look away but not willing to hurt the other man in that way. He couldn't find it in him to lie though. "No," he answered after several tries. Swallowing hard, he glanced away for just a second and then gently touched Martin's cheek, tentative fingers grazing through his hair. "I just…I just need a little time," he added, almost as an afterthought, knowing he couldn't just leave things with a one-word answer.

"Talk to me," Martin pleaded, body closer now as he wrapped an arm around Danny's waist, their heads sharing the same pillow.

And Danny wanted to cry, his heart aching over the hurt he saw in Martin's eyes. "I can't," he said, voice rough, trembling almost. He moved even closer, forehead pressed to Martin's, fingertips grazing Martin's cheek. "I'll figure it out I promise," he went on.

"And then?" Martin asked, eyes soft and sad.

"I don't know yet," Danny replied, voice tight with frustration. He wanted more than anything to give Martin the answer he wanted to hear. He wanted to be able to say that he just needed some time to sort through his feelings and then he'd come back and they could live happily ever after or something like that. But it wasn't that simple, not by a long shot. Danny didn't want to have to _come back_ because he didn't want to leave in the first place. He did need time to wade through his feelings but he also knew that even if he did sort them out, he wasn't sure what the outcome would be; he was so confused that it was almost dizzying. Above all, he didn't want to hurt Martin.

"Just…just give me some time Fitz. Please," he said softly, eyes dark and pleading.

Martin stared at him for a few moments, leaving Danny to wonder if he was going to refuse. But then he kissed him, long and deep, as if he were trying to put every feeling and every hope he had into it. "I'm not going anywhere," he whispered against Danny's lips.

Shivering, Danny could only nod, his heart clenching painfully in his chest, once again asking the question he just couldn't seem to find an answer for.

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

**2**

"Danny?"

Surprise, no _shock_ to see him and that was understandable. It had been almost ten years. "Hello Gabby," he said, almost shyly, smile warm but cautious.

But he should have known better because Gabrielle had always been a friend – a _good_ friend, something he'd had so few of. Something he really hadn't been able to recognize at the time. Why they'd drifted apart was something he'd lost to time, but he knew, deep down, that it had been his doing. Her arms flew around his neck, pulling him into her apartment and hugging him tightly all at the same time. He smiled softly and returned her embrace, the smell of her dark, shiny hair flashing memories through his mind with a quick ferocity. Late nights studying, even later ones out at clubs, bars, a flurry of activity that she'd somehow managed to escape whereas he'd been pulled into an alcohol soaked oblivion.

But she'd been there for him then – before he'd pushed her away anyhow – and now, he didn't know where else to turn. It had been a few weeks since his feelings had come to a head and he'd pleaded with Martin for time. Not that they'd stopped seeing each other in the mean time. No, they continued on in a strange sort of limbo, neither willing to step away from the situation and take a break because they were both terrified they'd never get it back. At least, Danny was. He couldn't be sure of Martin's feelings because where he'd once been open with him he stayed silent now, some sort of self-preservation, Danny could only guess. It made sense and Danny knew it would be hypocritical of him to admit how badly it hurt. And the whole relationship was beginning to break…slow cracks formed from the foundation up and growing wider with every passing day. Things were strained and awkward between them and Danny knew it was his fault. He'd asked for time, yes, but he hadn't done anything with it. He'd let his thoughts fester alone, not taking anymore time to examine them closely, not talking to anyone about it…really, just hoping it would all go away. But it hadn't, and that was why – after the argument he'd had with Martin earlier in the evening – he'd finally decided to take action.

Gabby had hardly been the first person on his mind when he'd left Martin's apartment. They'd argued over something stupid, something so insignificant that Danny honestly couldn't recall what had started it even though it had only happened a few hours before. But so many heated insults and cold looks later, he'd left softly, a sad look in his eyes as he'd met Martin's tired gaze. He couldn't do this anymore; couldn't go on hurting Martin the way he was. He lay awake many a night and watched the other man sleep, agonizing over the pain he knew he was causing him. It was the last thing he wanted.

He'd gone for a walk, ignoring the chill in the air and everything else around him. The city was loud and almost glaring at him but he disregarded it, forcing all thoughts from his mind except the ones he feared the most. Martin. Their relationship. The feelings he'd never planned on having.

Danny knew that talking to someone was a good idea. He didn't make a point of sharing his problems and feelings with others often, but he knew it could help. Knew that quite well from experience. And he'd tried for so long to figure this out on his own and had gotten nowhere, so it was a last resort of sorts that made him want to find someone he could talk with. Trouble was, he couldn't think of anyone. The four people he saw more than anyone else were his colleagues. There was no way he was talking to Jack or even Sam for that matter, even though something told him that she'd be a good listener and that she'd want to help. Even Vivian, whom he trusted almost implicitly, seemed like a bad choice. He didn't want her checking up on him in the future.

He'd stopped, frozen on the sidewalk when Gabrielle's face had popped into his mind. Wrenched from his past and smiling at him through memory, he hadn't even thought about it as he'd caught a subway to where he distinctly remembered her apartment to be. Second thoughts had only begun to show up when he'd reached her building. It seemed almost impossible that she still lived in the same place. And even if she did, why would she want to see him? How would she be able to help? Would she even care?

Sighing with relief when he saw her name on the list of tenants, he pushed the small intercom button and waited, nervous and shivering from the cold. A few moments that seemed much longer than they really were passed before her voice, warm and inviting, came on. There'd been a pause after he'd said his name; one that he'd expected and he'd held his breath, a big part of him just expecting her to not answer.

But she'd let him up and now he hadn't a clue where to begin or even if he should. She smiled, curious but happily, and offered him something to drink. He shook his head and thanked her as she slipped him out of his coat and hung it haphazardly over the back of a chair. He smiled to himself, memory flashing strongly in front of his eyes. He saw them here years ago, books strewn out before them on the floor, neither of them doing much studying as they ate pizza and drank beer, watching some random sporting event on TV. Gabby had been big on sports, and oddly enough, though they never did much of it together – too much talking and laughter – she was big on studying too. Which left him to wonder why she was still living here, in the same small apartment in the Bronx.

She motioned for him to sit on her couch and she did the same, sideways so she could face him, curling her legs beneath her, arm resting on the back of the sofa. He turned, a small smile on his face and studied her for a moment. Her dark hair was still long, curling a bit at the ends near her shoulders, her eyes just as dark and naturally curious. Her skin was a soft sort of tan color and other than the small laugh lines that were beginning to show around her mouth she looked almost identical to the girl he'd been friends with his first few years of college.

"So?" she prompted when he didn't say anything right away. "You show up at my doorstep after God knows how long and you don't have anything to say?" she asked, a smile on her lips but an underlying anger gave her voice an edge to it that reminded him squarely of his mother. He swallowed hard, looking apologetic but before he could say a word she continued. "And I'm sorry to say Danny…but you look like shit."

He couldn't help grinning over that because she'd never been one to mince words and it was something he'd always loved about her. He'd befriended her because she was beautiful and – though he'd never wanted to admit it to himself – because she spoke Spanish and reminded him of home. Only the few good parts of home…the parts that he missed on rare occasions. He'd tried to snag a date with her but had left her less than impressed by his skillful flirting and smooth lines. On his next try she'd agreed to study with him but only after a careful warning to not even _think_ about trying anything. Every other "date" after that had led them deeper and deeper into friendship that when they'd finally kissed, months later, it had been awkward enough for both of them and had left them giggling, embarrassed and forever embedded in the friends-only category.

"I'm sorry Gabby…I honestly didn't know where else to go. You just…sort of popped into my head tonight…" he said softly, a tentative smile on his face.

She frowned, hand running absently up and down her cotton pajama pants. "Something's wrong," she noted perceptively. He was both grateful and nervous for the way she jumped right into the situation, apparently willing to put on hold for a moment the fact that he'd shown up on her doorstep for help years after they'd last seen one another. "Are you drinking?" she asked, eyes narrowed in anger now. "Because I heard, a long time ago," she added a bit bitterly, "From a friend that you had stopped and I was so _relieved_ Danny, even if we weren't…close anymore."

He hated the way she trailed off from anger into a lingering sort of regret, sadness almost. And her words _hurt_. Knowing that she had cared enough to worry, even though she'd probably known she couldn't have done anything about it, even though they had stopped being friends; she had still cared about him. He looked down; ashamed at the way he'd abandoned her in favor of alcohol and endless nights out. "No," he finally replied, voice hoarse. "I'm not drinking again."

She didn't say anything for a few moments, and when he looked up he noticed she was watching him curiously, the look on her face not sure if she believed him but then finding something that apparently satisfied her. She smiled softly and nodded. "Good. So…what _are_ you doing here?" she asked, cocking her head to the side, looking more curious now than angry.

He sighed and looked away for a moment, not knowing where to start. When he finally turned back he shook his head, smiling sadly. "I'm in love Gabby," he murmured, his heart clenching painfully in his chest as Martin's face flashed before his eyes. "I'm in love and I don't know what to do," he added, hating how helpless he sounded.

He felt her move closer, hand suddenly on his shoulder, squeezing softly and he looked up, anchored to the warmth of her grasp. He let out a shaky breath as he remembered he didn't have to hide in front of her. "Being in love's a good thing Danny," she said softly, her tone gentle, her eyes slightly worried.

He shook his head, trapped. "I'm…it's…complicated," he stuttered, wondering when he'd lost the ability to speak clearly.

"I'm sure it is," she answered, worried smile still on her face. "Does she not love you back?" she asked.

The question hit him sharply, and he cursed his own cowardice. "That's not it Gabby…"

"Is she married?" she pressed on.

He could only shake his head, shame flooding his heart, his cheeks turning slightly red.

"Where are you working now Danny?" she asked.

He looked up, startled by the abrupt subject change, but he answered dumbly, "The FBI…Missing Persons."

He didn't miss the look of shock that crossed her features before she nodded. He knew that after he'd made his confession, after he'd asked for help that he'd have to relate his history also. She wouldn't let him leave without explaining himself. Explaining what had happened when they were in college, the way he'd almost ruined everything he'd worked so hard for – _had_ ruined it – only to find a second chance and a new path.

She nodded thoughtfully now, pressing a finger to her lips. "Ah," she said, smiling brightly, finger raised in the air. "FBI…there's gotta be a lot of strict rules about sleeping with coworkers and all that, right?"

He could only nod, swallowing hard.

She smiled, brighter now, proud of herself. "Then that's it, right? She's a coworker and it's so not allowed. So tell me, what's her name, Danny?" She was practically grinning now, leaning closer and playfully hitting his arm when he didn't answer right away. He would swear it was eight years earlier. "Danny, come on talk to me! You come all the way over here for my help or whatever, the first time I've seen you in what? Ten years? And now you're just going to sit there and--"

"It's a guy," he blurted out, interrupting her stream of words, his eyes locking with hers and not looking away.

The shock, the flash of disbelief was plain to see and she looked away first because Danny couldn't, wanting her to see the truth of his words, almost daring her to challenge them. She didn't say anything for a few moments and Danny waited, let her absorb his words and braced himself for her reaction. She met his gaze again, eyes curious and slightly confused. He watched as she narrowed her eyes, searching his, looking for some sort of explanation.

Her expression was still wary and she shook her head before squeezing his shoulder again and taking a deep breath. "What's his name?" she asked softly.

He let out a sigh of relief, still watching her; thankful and impressed over the way she'd reacted. She was definitely surprised, but she'd forced herself past it for his sake. A small smile on his lips, he looked down, blushed a bit – which made him think even more of Martin – and moved closer to her. "Martin," he replied, voice just as soft as hers. "Martin Fitzgerald. He um…he _is_ a coworker, which…well that makes things even more difficult," he murmured, unsure where to go next.

"Fitzgerald," she replied after a few moments. "You went right for the high class bunch, huh?" she asked, teasing him gently.

He let out a shaky breath and laughed softly, meeting her eyes again. "Yeah, it's not pretty. He's Victor Fitzgerald's son…he's the deputy director of--"

"I know who he is," she snapped, though not in an angry sort of way, another quick look of shock passing over her face. A pause and he shivered when he felt the unexpected touch of her fingers in his hair. They were of like minds, gravitating towards touch, some sort of human contact for comfort; it made him smile again. "Tell me about him Danny," she requested, voice tender and genuinely curious.

He smiled, blushing again – something which was really starting to annoy him – and he nodded, almost unconsciously. He started at the beginning, from when Martin had joined their team, all the way to where he'd left things this evening. The words spilled out of him easier than he would've thought and once he'd started talking it was almost impossible to stop until he'd said everything. Confessed his feelings, everything he'd done, the fear that was eating him from the inside out.

"I just…God Gabby, I just don't know what to do," he finished, breathing deeply, eyes pleading with hers, lost and searching for an easy answer. "I'm so damn confused," he said, exasperated. "When I'm with him it's so…so _easy_, but then, I don't know, everything just gets so mixed up and I end up hurting him the way I did tonight."

"But you love him," she said simply, eyes soft.

He nodded fiercely. "So much," he replied, voice hoarse now, no longer able to look at her. He ducked his head, squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head when he felt her hand on his cheek. "But I don't know if I can be what he wants, what he _deserves_. I…I keep getting caught up with the same thoughts and…" he paused, angry with himself for so many reasons.

"You're scared," she commented, voice soft but unreadable.

"Damn it, yes!" he said, voice louder. He stood up, agitated now and began pacing. "I _am_ scared! I feel like my whole life's been some sort of lie. I've never even looked at another man in that way and now I'm in love with one? If I think about it for too long it drives me crazy. I end up going over my whole life, wondering, looking for clues, trying to figure out if there was some other time, even if just for a second where I was attracted to another guy." He ran his hands through his hair, still pacing, body rigid and full of frustration. "Then half the time, I berate myself for being such a coward, for wondering why I care so much. And it's not…it's not even what other people would think because I could care less. It's…it's _me_," he said, stopping his pacing to turn and face her, eyes wide and earnest. "I'm the one who's afraid, confused, lost…and yet he makes me happier than I've ever been. So why…Jesus Gabby, can you tell me _why_ I'd want to give that up?"

She shook her head and just looked into his eyes, searching for what, he didn't know. But she was contemplating her answer, he could tell from the thoughtful look in her gaze, in the way her head was tilted just so. However, before she could really answer him, the two of them were yanked from their thoughts by a small, soft sound.

Danny looked over, across the room and behind Gabrielle to see a child, a girl no older than seven, rubbing her eyes, looking sleepy and curious all the same. "Mommy?" her soft voice carried through the sudden stillness and silence that had pervaded the apartment.

Gabrielle met Danny's gaze for only a second – enough time for him to see her stern look of warning, her plea for him to stay silent – before getting up and going over to what Danny could only assume was her daughter. He watched curiously, as Gabrielle picked the little girl up, murmuring gentle, soothing words to her, carrying her back the hallway and disappearing into one of the rooms.

When she came back a few minutes later, Danny was seated on the couch again. "My daughter, Theresa," she said as she sat down. He didn't recognize the slight tremor of uncertainty in her voice and when she met his eyes there was a strange mixture of pleading, pride and rigid determination there. "This is…this is why I still live in the same apartment Danny," she went on, voice taking on a certain edge to it, almost as if she were waiting for his condemnation, but would throw him out if he voiced it. "I got pregnant, senior year of college and didn't go on to grad school," she explained. "I've been working random jobs since then, waiting until she was older so I could go back to school. I just started back this past year," she added, watching him steadily.

"She's beautiful," he said warmly, smile soft. He moved closer to her and lightly squeezed her hand, wanting to convey that he understood, that there would be no judgment. He didn't ask about the father because he already knew this story, had heard it many times before and he knew it would only be insulting. Neither of them said anything for a few minutes, and Danny couldn't help the guilt that crept into his head, his heart. They'd been so close and he'd had to pull away. Hadn't been able to take her worrying, her watchful eyes…he'd only wanted oblivion and escape then. She hadn't been able to watch him slowly destroy himself and he'd let her slip away, glad to escape her concern.

"This has nothing to do with you," she said coolly, eyes narrowed. He looked up, surprised and wondered why he'd always been so transparent to her. "Please don't think that had you and I stayed friends that things would have turned out differently," she added.

He could only nod and look away. He let it go because he knew all about preserving one's pride and strength. Furthermore, he knew she was right. He wasn't about to start insinuating that he was so important that he could've stopped her from getting pregnant and having her life flipped upside down.

It seemed easier to let it go, although Danny had questions to ask, things he wanted to know. But he'd forfeited that right long ago and the look on her face left no room for argument and then she pushed past it, not willing him even a moment to approach the subject.

"Danny, why exactly are you here?" she asked, shaking her head as soon as the words left her lips. She smiled and squeezed his hand quickly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I really am glad to see you, I just...I'm not sure what it is you want from me," she said, smiling apologetically.

He smiled back, returning the pressure on her hand. "To be honest Gabby, neither am I," he said, laughing a little. "I just...I don't know, advice maybe? I needed to talk to someone and there's not many people that I'm close with right now besides Martin." She didn't say anything for a few moments and he found it impossible to continue holding her gaze, waiting, wondering what she could possibly tell him that would end his confusion.

"Danny..." she finally broke the silence, her voice soft and warm, waiting for him to look up again. "I've never known you to be this way...to be so uncertain or afraid. Granted we haven't even spoken in years but, I'd like to think I knew you pretty well back then," she said.

He nodded, swallowing hard against a profound sadness. "You did."

"I won't lie to you, this whole thing is rather surprising for me," she went on, sliding a bit closer to him on the couch, hand on his shoulder now. "You being here first of all and then to tell me you're in love with another guy when I remember quite well your reputation with women when we were at school," she said, smirking.

He laughed, blinking against the onset of tears and looking into her eyes. "Except with you," he teased, eyebrow raised.

She pretended to look pained, though her smile started to ruin it. "Alas, poor me," she said, laughing. "But seriously Danny...I can see why this would be so frightening, so confusing for you. I just...well, think carefully before you act."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I know what you want me to say," she replied, expression serious again. "You want me to tell you to give him up, that he'd be better off, that _you'd_ be better off but Danny I...I can't tell you that. When you were talking to me about him earlier I could _see_ how much you love him, how much he means to you and I think that if you let yourself, if you stopped _thinking_ so much about it all that you'd be so happy," she said gently. He nodded, knowing in his heart that her words were true. But still his mind was relentless, running on a loop it seemed with all the reasons that he should step away. "And Danny?"

"Hmm?" he asked absently, frowning.

"I think you should talk this over with Martin." He started to shake his head, ready to protest that talking with Martin was the last thing he wanted, but she interrupted. "He's asked you to, hasn't he?"

"Yes but--"

"Danny really...don't you think you owe him that?" she asked, voice a little more stern now.

He glared at her for a second, but it didn't last. How was it that even now, after ten years apart, she still had the ability to entice his conscience out of hiding? Sighing he shook his head and smiled sadly. He couldn't say he'd changed his mind and that he'd open up to Martin, but she'd given him an outlet for his thoughts and he was already more than grateful. "Thanks for listening to me Gabby," he murmured.

She reached out and grabbed his arm before he had the chance to stand up. "Not yet," she said firmly, eyes flashing. "You're not going to leave that easily."

"I'm not going to disappear again," he answered, tired suddenly. "I promise," he added when she looked skeptical. Leaning forward, he pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly. "And I...I want to talk with you again. About this, about...the past. I just need to...well, I don't want to go the night leaving things the way I did with Martin," he said softly, comforted by the simple feel of her in his arms.

She pulled back, smile a little uncertain. She leaned closer and kissed him on the cheek before letting go, standing up with him and gathering his coat. "I'll talk to you again soon Gabby. And by soon I mean within a week or so," he added when she raised an eyebrow.

She smiled and squeezed his shoulder. "You'd better. And Danny?" she asked as she opened the door for him. "Good luck."

"Thanks."

He wasn't quite sure why, but he hadn't expected to come home to an empty apartment. Never mind that it was _his_ apartment that he'd left, leaving Martin there alone. But the night was still and for the first time that he could honestly remember everything was quiet. The city seemed to be biding its time, waiting in silence for him, waiting to pounce.

He tried his hardest to ignore the aching of his heart as he walked into his bedroom, not bothering to turn on any of the lights, and shut the door behind him, wanting to block out the world. He shed his clothes and climbed into bed, squeezing his eyes shut briefly when he noted his first reaction to be that it seemed so empty without Martin. Before he could stop himself he reached for his phone and called the other man, holding his breath as it rang, half tempted to hang up.

Martin's voice was low and devoid of emotion when he answered. "Hello Danny."

"Why did you leave?" he asked softly, immediately. He pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping one arm around them, back against the headboard. If he shut his eyes he could picture Martin here with him, smiling, blushing, arms around him. Shaking his head, he realized that Martin had answered and he hadn't heard him. "I didn't hear you," he said softly.

Martin sighed, sounding tired and sad. Danny would swear he could feel his soft breath on the skin of his neck. It was as if they'd had this conversation already and were helpless to resolve it. "I said I didn't feel like staying there alone so I came home. I didn't know when you'd be back," he repeated, voice low, a small catch of pain that Danny wouldn't have been able to hear had he not been listening for it.

"I wish you'd have stayed," Danny murmured, wincing when Martin didn't respond. "Martin?"

"Yeah?" he replied. Danny hated the way his voice sounded so empty. He knew why though and it made sense. Martin was protecting himself from getting hurt, had been for a while, and Danny hated it. He had no real right to be upset he knew, but the feel of Martin pulling away from him was painful.

"I'm sorry," he said, sinking down further into his bed, suddenly very tired.

"For what?" Martin asked softly.

Danny shrugged as he yawned and shut his eyes, slowly remembering that Martin couldn't see him. "For fighting with you before," he finally replied.

He heard Martin's sigh, full of frustration and regret and he wished more than anything that the other man were here now. Here where Danny could hold him and try to comfort what he'd hurt. "Me too," Martin answered a few moments later. "I'll see you tomorrow Danny."

"Wait!" he protested, sensing how close Martin was to hanging up.

"What is it?" Martin replied, a slight edge to his voice.

Danny swallowed hard, wondering why Martin was so very able to take away his years of posh and polish. "I…I don't know," he answered sheepishly. There wasn't really anymore he could say, certainly nothing that would get him what he wanted: Martin promising to come back.

"Night Danny," he replied and hung up.

Danny narrowed his eyes in sudden anger as he flipped the phone shut. He was half-tempted to throw it across the room. He hated his own cowardice. He hated his sudden inability to make a decision. And he hated the way he kept on hurting Martin. It was the easy escape, reminiscent of his father, minus the drinks and the violence. But apparently, Danny was just as good at alienating the ones he loved.

He fell into a restless sleep a while later, his dreams blurry and dark, infused with pain and the sense that something important was slipping past his ability to hold it.

TBC...


	3. Chapter 3

**3**

Danny watched her quietly for a few moments as he rinsed off the rest of their dishes, able to observe from across the counter that separated the kitchen from  
the dining and living room area. He'd invited Gabby over for dinner, keeping his promise to see her again and wanting to talk. She walked slowly around the room, coffee mug in hand, rocking back and forth on her feet when she stopped in front of his bookshelves, observing the various titles. He joined her a few minutes later, sipping from his own cup of coffee and following her gaze.

"Do you ever think about going back?" she asked, voice soft, pausing to take a drink.

"Back to what? Law?" he replied, turning slightly so his back was to the bookshelf, facing her.

She nodded. "I know how much you wanted to be a lawyer," she said, eyes moving from his books to him. She frowned and then shook her head. "But I don't even know what happened...why you're in the FBI now. Did you finish grad school?" she asked.

Sighing, he nodded and waved her away from the shelves. They sat down, side by side, on his couch, the books safely behind them now. Sometimes he wondered why he kept them. "I did finish school," he explained. "And I was all set to take the Bar but I..." Sighing, he paused; reluctant to continue but knowing he had to. "I was drunk, wrecked my car, got a DUI and missed the exam," he said, voice tense because even now, years later, it still angered him, frightened him - the level to which he had sunk. Gabby's eyes widened briefly, in shock he presumed, but she said nothing, waiting patiently for him to continue. He took another sip of coffee and faced her again, being sure to meet her gaze. "That, among other things, was, as they say, my wake up call. I got help, I gave up on being a lawyer and somehow found my way into the FBI."

She nodded, still silent for a while, thoughtfully considering what he'd said. Eventually she moved a little closer and squeezed his shoulder, a comfort he was strangely grateful for. "So...do you ever think about going back? About taking the Bar again?" she repeated her question.

"Sometimes," he answered. "But I've come to love this job, despite its stress and tragedy and…I'm not quite sure I could give it up now. Maybe someday."

They talked for a while longer, her mostly about her daughter and her going back to school, him in more detail about his job and getting sober - something he was reluctant to talk about mostly but found rather easy with her.

He wasn't quite brave enough to bring up the subject of Martin, but she did it eventually, wanting to know if he'd come to any conclusions since they'd last talked, almost two weeks ago. He shook his head and sighed, setting the now empty mug on the coffee table. "I don't know Gabby," he said, pained. "I'm hurting him and I hate it. Things are stressed between us at best and I know he just wants an answer..."

"Just any answer?" she asked skeptically.

"That's the thing," he answered, ignoring her look of disapproval. "I think he'd be okay with me saying anything right now, just so he knows, so it can all be over. But I...God, I want so badly to tell him what he wants to hear."

"Then do it," she said, waving him to silence when he tried to protest. "Yes Danny, it is that simple. Yes you can make this decision. You love him...and yes, that _is_ enough," she said, voice slightly heated.

"But Gabby, what if--"

"God Danny, I know we haven't seen each other in years but you are the last person I would've expected to start living in what ifs!" she exclaimed, her smile softening the words. She moved closer, fingers reaching out absently to touch his cheek, his hair. "I know you're confused and you're scared and I'm not saying that you shouldn't be, but you _love_ him! And of course there's the possibility that things won't work out but you can't know that for sure," she said, pausing for a few moments and watching him. He knew what she was seeing...stubbornness and uncertainty among other things. Martin. Forefront suddenly on his mind and he couldn't seem to hold onto any of the reasons as well as before. She smiled, hand on his cheek again. "I wish you could see yourself when you think of him," she said softly. He raised an eyebrow, smirking a little, wondering how she was able to read his mind so well.

They sat there together for a while longer, silent for the most part, watching an old movie on TV, just happy for each other's company. Eventually, as the movie ended, she turned to him, yawning a bit and told him she needed to get home, that the sitter was expecting her.

Anxious suddenly, he nodded and pulled her in for a hug, arms coming around her tightly, one hand tugging nervously on her dark hair. "I think you're right," he whispered as she returned the embrace. She whispered soothing, hopeful words in Spanish against his ear, making him smile and calming the worst of his nerves. When he finally let her go, he smiled weakly and touched her cheek with his fingertips. "Thank you Gabby," he murmured. She nodded and smiled - that smile that had first enticed him - and leaned in to meet his kiss. Soft, sweet and full of gratitude, a touch of something more that had always lingered closely between them but had never and would never develop into anything more.

He couldn't say what it was that made him turn around. But the city seemed to smile in cruelly through the windows as his eyes turned from Gabby to Martin's saddened gaze. How long he'd been there Danny didn't know, but he knew what he'd seen and how it would look and as the sadness turned to a deeper sort of pain in Martin's eyes, Danny felt his resolve grow even stronger. Swallowing hard, he stood up with every intent to explain, taking a tentative step closer to the other man. But Martin shook his head and turned quickly, silently walking back through the small hallway towards the door. Danny didn't give it a second thought as he followed, reaching him just as he was opening the door. He reached around him, pushed the door closed and wrapped his arms around Martin in one swift movement. He pressed himself close, his chest to Martin's back, arms tight as they held him.

"Just let me go," Martin pleaded softly, a weary sort of pain in his voice. "Please Danny, I...I can't do this anymore," he added sadly.

"I know," Danny replied softly. He could feel Martin trembling in his arms; feel him trying to put up some sort of protest, to run away.

"Let me go…please," he said again, voice hoarse and soft.

"I can't," Danny replied, absently pressing his lips to the side of Martin's neck. "I swear to you, it's not what it looks like. Just give me a chance to explain…please." Gently, he turned Martin's pliant body around so he could look into his face. Blue eyes full of pain and sorrow, something Danny wanted to take away as quickly as possible. He ran his fingers through Martin's hair, rested one hand on his cheek and looked into his eyes. "Stay," he murmured. "Let me explain," he repeated, pleading a little.

Martin nodded helplessly, practically collapsing against Danny when he pulled him close again. After a few moments he turned, one arm still firmly around Martin's waist, pulling him away from the door and into the living room. Gabby stood there, eyes wide with worry, clutching her coat, presumably waiting for a good time to leave. Martin turned, burying his face against Danny's neck, his arms coming around him and holding tightly to his back. Danny returned the embrace, holding him close, his eyes locked with Gabby's. She motioned to leave and he nodded, mouthing the words "thank you" again. She indicated with her hand that she'd call him and he nodded again, listening for her to shut the door behind her.

As soon as she did, he pulled back, just a little bit, and met Martin's eyes again. "Come on and sit down so I can talk to you," he said softly, fingertips absently touching the other man's cheek. He couldn't help leaning closer, pressing his lips softly to Martin's, wanting to soothe. They sat down, side by side, Martin slipping off his shoes and turning inward to Danny, leaning his head against his shoulder.

Danny wasn't quite sure where or how to start without sounding overly clichéd. For a while he said nothing and Martin seemed content, for the moment, to sit in silence and just let Danny hold him. But Danny needed to talk, needed to explain…needed to alleviate Martin's pain. Not just from tonight but the pain Danny had been causing him for weeks now.

"Who is she?" Martin asked, breaking their silence and startling Danny out of his thoughts.

"Her name's Gabrielle," he said softly, running his hand through Martin's hair, unsure if it was for Martin's comfort or his own. "She's a friend from college…I haven't seen her in years."

"Why now?" Martin asked, sounding pained. Danny knew the real questions he wanted to ask – the ones he never would. Why was she here? Why were you _kissing_ her?

"I went to see her a few weeks ago. You and I had…we'd been fighting and I left." He stopped for a second, pained because he knew that didn't clarify much. They'd been fighting too much recently. "I needed someone to talk to about…about us. And there's no one I could think of, no one I'm close to these days. She was my only real friend in college – not someone I drank with – and I…to tell you the truth I wasn't even sure she'd want to see me," he said, babbling.

"Why not?" Martin asked softly, his hand resting against Danny's chest, fingers moving absently against his shirt.

"Well, to put it simply, the more I started drinking the less I saw of her. She wasn't…she wasn't very conducive to my lifestyle at the time. She wanted to study, I wanted to party. Eventually she stopped trying and I was glad," he said bitterly. Martin didn't say anything for a while and Danny stayed silent, trying to figure out where to go next, how to explain better. There were so many things he was dying to say but he wasn't sure how to get them out.

"She's very pretty," Martin said, minutes later, a certain edge to his voice that Danny read plainly as jealousy and hurt.

He shifted slightly, one arm firmly around Martin's waist, the other on his neck, turning so he could look into his eyes. "We were always only friends Martin," he said honestly. "I befriended her with the hopes of getting a date, but she turned me down. We started hanging out as friends after that and the one kiss we shared, weeks later, was too weird that it didn't happen again."

"Until now," Martin quipped, eyes darkening with pain and a little bit of anger that Danny knew was there – just knew Martin was tired of feeling it.

Danny shook his head and touched Martin's cheek. "No Fitz, I promise you," he said, voice a little desperate because he hated the look in Martin's eyes. "When I went to see her a few weeks ago it was to talk about you. I told her that I was confused and scared. That I wanted to be with you so much but I didn't…didn't quite know how." He stopped for a moment, swallowing hard, knowing he had to keep talking before the words became harder to say. "I wanted her to tell me to give you up," he said, voice hoarse. "That we'd both be better off but she…she wouldn't do it. And tonight she came over for dinner and we talked about the past and then she wanted to know what I had decided about you, about us. I still didn't know, had hardly let myself think about it since I'd seen her." He paused again, needing to catch his breath, wishing Martin's eyes weren't so damn unreadable all of the sudden. "I kissed her because…it was out of friendship and gratitude and nothing more than that I swear to you," he pleaded, jumping a little when he felt Martin's fingers on his arm.

"So…what decision did you make?" Martin asked softly, his voice lacking emotion. Danny knew suddenly, from the tone of his voice and from the way he was holding himself – so tense and controlled – that he was preparing for the worst. He couldn't blame him with everything he'd just said.

Foregoing words, Danny leaned forward and kissed him, arms wrapping tightly around his back, lips soft but insistent against Martin's, deepening the kiss. "I want to be with you Martin," he whispered, words hot and quick against the other man's lips, pulling back slightly to look into his eyes. "And not halfway anymore," he went on, smiling just a little and quickly kissing the corner of Martin's mouth. He ran the back of his hand over Martin's cheek, watching as blue eyes turned from coldness to hope, still struggling with belief. He knew it could be difficult…he was still having trouble accepting it all himself. But the difference was, he wasn't so afraid anymore. Danny kissed him again, deeply; putting everything he wasn't quite sure how to say into the kiss. "I want…a future with you," he murmured, watching as Martin's defenses started to fall apart. "I want a relationship with you…a _real_ one," he added. Sighing, he smiled again and ran his thumb over Martin's bottom lip. "God Fitz I…I _love_ you."

Martin looked at him for a few moments saying nothing. Danny could see the way he was working things out in his head, eyes still wary, searching Danny's own, looking for the lie. Danny knew that Martin's trust was hard to earn, it had taken him long enough before they'd even gone past friendship, but now, he wasn't sure if he still had it or had lost it in the past few weeks. So he knew Martin was trying to figure out his own instincts, not sure whether or not he could trust Danny's words.

And Danny knew it wasn't completely fair for him to want it all so quickly. After all, he'd been the one to resist, to push away where Martin had been nothing but open and willing at first. Now, everything had changed and he wondered how long it would take for them to finally be on the same page.

Martin reached out, fingers shaking slightly, and touched Danny's cheek, moving slowly through his hair to the soft skin at the back of his neck. He leaned forward and sighed, pressing his forehead to Danny's and shutting his eyes. Danny felt the way his whole body seemed to relax, heard the relief, the _gratefulness_ in his sigh. Martin kissed him gently and it was then that Danny _knew_. Knew Martin had found his answer and had decided on trust and belief, or had at least decided to try.

"I love you too."

tbc


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Thanks to all who have read & reviewed! _

**4**

Things weren't perfect right away. But neither of them had really been looking for perfect, and they quickly found something infinitely better. It was inevitable that things were very rocky at times and soft, whispered words seemed to convey that love just as much as a heated argument.

Danny let Martin in, more so than before, opening himself up in ways he never had, sharing his fears, his joys, his sadness…all of it. Martin took his time in letting himself trust Danny fully again, gradually giving him more and more. But they took things slowly, both of them realizing that the previous attempt may have been too rushed, though it probably couldn't have been avoided.

And Danny was _happy_. He was gratefully, blissfully and wonderfully happy. Even when they fought, even when he felt that fear creeping up again, he was still happy. Because he trusted Martin, he loved Martin in a way he'd never loved anyone before, and that meant everything to him.

"Stop fidgeting," Danny said briskly as they walked up the stairs. He reached out, gloved hand pressing the button for Gabrielle's apartment. "God it's cold!" he hissed, leaning closer to Martin, smiling when he felt the other man press in against him.

"Yes?"

"Gabby, it's us," he said, smiling and gesturing Martin inside when the door buzzed open.

Danny took a moment to unwrap his scarf from around his neck and to push his gloves into the pockets of his coat. When he was done he looked up and found Martin standing very still, hands shoved into his pockets, eyes looking around nervously. "What's wrong?" Danny asked softly, stepping closer. Gently, he took off Martin's scarf and then his gloves, fingers brushing skin, wanting to soothe.

"Well, the last time I saw her she was kissing you," he said surly, looking downwards, blushing slightly.

Danny smiled, leaning in and kissing him gently on the lips. "Why should that make _you_ nervous?" he asked. "If anything, Gabby should be the one…fretting." He smirked when Martin looked up and narrowed his eyes.

"I'm not _fretting_," he said huffily.

Danny raised an eyebrow, not looking convinced. "Really? 'Cause I kind of expect you to start ringing your hands at any moment," he teased.

Martin hit him playfully on the shoulder, fighting a grin that threatened to ruin his sullen expression. "Shut up Danny," he said, walking past him and starting up the stairs to Gabrielle's apartment on the second floor.

Danny caught his arm after about the fifth step and turned him around, a devilish grin on his lips. Martin stumbled, surprised, one hand grabbing onto the railing, the other onto Danny. And Danny steadied him, stepping up so they were on the same level, smirking as he leaned in for a kiss…deep, hot and probably a little too intimate for the stairwell of an apartment building. He left Martin bewildered and gasping for air when he released him, grinned and then continued up the stairs.

"Tease," Martin hissed, following after him, steps a little bit heavier than necessary.

Danny couldn't help but grin further, loving the way Martin pouted – sullenly and like a five-year-old. He glanced over his shoulder at him and smiled. "Love you," he called out, still teasing.

"Yeah, yeah…lucky me," Martin muttered, but Danny could plainly hear the happiness in his voice.

Danny knocked twice, hand coming out to squeeze Martin's briefly when he saw him fidgeting again. He smiled when Gabrielle opened the door, watching her eyes grow nervous as she looked at Martin. They'd only spoken a few times on the phone since the night Martin had seen her and Danny kiss. He and Martin had been busy with a few cases that had left them with time for little else, and whatever time they did have had been devoted to working out their newfound relationship. But every time Danny had spoken with her on the phone she'd apologized and worried over that kiss…no matter how many times Danny told her there was nothing to worry about or apologize for. In fact, he couldn't be more grateful to her for what she'd helped him figure out about his feelings for Martin.

She invited them in, took their coats and offered them something to drink, telling them that dinner would be ready soon. Danny sat next to Martin on the couch and Gabrielle sat in a chair facing them. Her daughter could be heard playing in her bedroom down the hall, singing a soft, meaningless tune to herself.

After a few very awkward minutes of silence, Danny laughed and shook his head. "Can we please get past this…and the quicker the better because you two are driving me crazy," he said, smiling. Gabby glared at him for a few seconds before turning to Martin and smiling apologetically.

"I'm sorry."

Again Danny laughed when they both spoke the same words at the same time, earning himself identical glares from Gabby and Martin.

"Was he this annoying when you knew him in college?" Martin said dryly, the corners of his mouth turning up into a reluctant smile.

Gabby grinned outright and nodded. "More so, I think," she replied. They both laughed and Danny tried to look hurt. "But Martin, truthfully, I'm sorry about what happened. It didn't mean anything and I'm sorry if you got hurt," she said, dark eyes earnest.

Martin shook his head. "It's okay Gabrielle," he said softly. "And besides, I have to thank you for…well for whatever it was you said to him," he said, blushing when he glanced at Danny.

"Call me Gabby. And you're welcome…" she responded, smiling.

They talked for a while longer, Danny interrupting only occasionally, content to just sit back and watch the two of them become better acquainted. Dinner was easy and casual, and again Danny watched, loving any chance he got to observe Martin when he let his defenses down and truly relaxed. And after they ate, he helped Gabby clean up while Martin watched Theresa. The child had taken quite a liking to Martin and had insisted upon his company after dinner, pulling him away by his hand to the living room, wanting to show him her new computer game.

"He made a mistake mentioning whatever it was he said about computers, because Theresa, even though she's only seven, _loves_ them," Gabby said, an obvious pride in her voice.

Danny laughed as he rinsed off a plate and handed it to her to dry. "Trust me, she couldn't have found a better person to express her interest to."

"He's good with her," Gabby remarked softly after a few minutes.

Danny took a moment to stop washing dishes and glance out from the kitchen to where Martin and Theresa were. He smiled, something warm stirring in his chest, as he observed them. Turning back to Gabby he felt himself blush. "Be sure to let him know that," he murmured, turning on the water at the sink again. "He doesn't seem to have any sort of confidence when it comes to children." She smiled as their eyes met, an avid curiosity in her eyes but she didn't say anything.

They left a few hours later, promising to get together again soon…and often. Danny's heart was light as they walked a few blocks to the subway station. And he was sure he almost felt _giddy_ when Martin held his hand for half the walk. By the time they got back to Martin's apartment, Danny could barely wait until they were inside before he pulled the other man into his arms and kissed him warmly, happily. He felt Martin laugh against his lips and pull him closer in response.

It was a struggle to remove coats and gloves and scarves, then shoes, shirts…both of them laughing by the time they made it into the bedroom, _most_ of their clothes finally off. "We need to move someplace warmer…less clothes to take off," Danny mumbled as he trailed his lips along the side of Martin's neck.

Martin laughed again, a sound Danny couldn't see himself ever getting enough of, and slid his hands slowly down Danny's back. "Hmm…yeah," he replied absently.

Danny pulled back briefly and smiled warmly into the other man's eyes. He felt Martin's answering smile run through him, making his heart clench wonderfully in his chest, a powerful feeling of rightness making him lean forward for another kiss.

Outside the city seemed to give up its cruelness for a little while, letting some of it flow away and disappear into the darkness. And when they woke up a soft blanket of snow covered it all. A brief disguise, yes, and one that would melt away quick enough, but something simple and pure nonetheless.

Fin


End file.
